K.P.A.M.

Once upon a time there was a man by the name of Encik J who gave a brief talk about Kadet Pertahanan Awam Malaysia. Among the nonsense information he said was,

"Harga beras sudah naik, puncanya? Banjir rosakkan padi lah, kerana alam sekitar sudah siao..."

If somewhere you see an accident, and let's just say you find the little light in your heart to help the victim, what do you do?
First of all, don't move the victim, or else you might "finish God's job" [said Lik Pin], because of the blood and bones and sticks and stones and whatnots.

Also, white people are evil, according to Encik J, although they are a lot cleaner than us, a whole lot more civilized than us, more well-mannered than us, but deep down they are E.V.I.L.

Did you know it takes only 3 minutes to burn down a school? What can you do? Jump from the top?

"Ramai orang akan panik, dan menyebabkan traffic jam. Bagaimana escape dalam kurang satu minit?"

Note, he never went on to explain how exactly we should escape.

"Jika kawan anda terkena electric shock, apa yang akan kamu buat?" The question was directed towards Lik Pin.

Lik Pin's reply: "Guna plastic chair lah."

"Guna plastic chair untuk hentam dia? Matilah dia..." I think it was supposed to be a joke, but no one laughed. Too morbid.

Lastly, he went on a roll by describing the dangers of every place and thing you go and do. The home is dangerous, especially terrace houses because of fire, flood, gas explosions, electrical short circuits, and whatnots. Don't stay in the house. Cars are dangerous, too. Possibilities of gas leakage, fires, accidents, whatnots. Buses are all the more dangerous, what with overloading and accidents and all that. Planes and trains are dangerous. The school is dangerous.

My conclusion: You know what? Why not be PARANOID and become a MONK and stay in the mountains dammit!!

[I remember all these because I was busy taking notes during the sermon talk.]