Physics

I have recently realized why I do not have a penchant for Physics or anything much related to it. Ever since last year, I have always resented Physics and felt so stressed whenever I am forced to study it. However this year I faced it with a little more bravado and a little more love, probably because you have to love something to be good at it.

But why? Why is it that I have this odd antipathy for Physics like the way my friend at s.h.i.t abhors Chemistry [which I have grown to like, unfortunately]?

1. Last year, I had not much intention to study at all. I was always playing during Biology and Physics class and not listening to the teachers most of the time, probably because I chose to sit in a table full of girls [our seating was fixed from the first day onwards], which was probably a pretty bad idea, which came out of a challenge to myself to be able to communicate with a certain girl with whom I had had a mutual Perang Dingin since Form 1 because of certain unmentionable reasons.

I think the dislike and the not studying came hand-in-hand. If I disliked it, I would not want to read about it, no? Dislike for Physics is directly proportional to attention paid in Physics.

2. My Physics teacher(s) was a flop. No, not really. I just did not like the way they taught. Actually, I may have had some prejudice against them as a result of not liking Physics, therefore I did not listen, consequently I was a cop-out in Physics.
My school teacher in BL had an air of I-don't-care-if-you-cry that rejoiced in others' suffering. Whenever she dished out punishments, she always did it with an evil smile that would make any Mother Theresa at least hate her for a second or two. Then again, a bit of biased preconception on my side.

As I was trailing considerably in the said subject, I had to go for tuition. Oh, tuition. Again, I was always feeling stressed in tuition because I did not like the teacher's [who is incidentally my mom's cousin] attitude of arrogance, money-mindedness and whatnots. Then again, it was on a Saturday afternoon, which was a no-no for me because of church music practices and tiredness threatening to deprive me of a restful existence on Saturday night youth meetings. As a result, I was hardly paying attention in tuition, and when I missed out on important topics like Archimedes' principle and mirrors and lenses in Form 4, I was always panicking and could not keep up.

3. I would rate the two points above as lame and pathetic excuses for my disinclination towards Physics. The real reasons, I think, why I do not like it is because I feel that Physics is so dead. Where's the life in Physics? All the motion, the forces, the rays and waves that I could not care less about, where is the inspiring power of science in Physics?
Even as my teacher here said, "You don't need Physics to answer SPM questions. All you need is technique and Maths," it feels so dead and nonvolatile.
A few measurements here and there, and the Tower of Pisa may one day fall flat to the ground. A bit of resonance here and there, a bit of extra thrust force here and there, and entire bridges and buildings may collapse.

4. I sense a dark godlessness in Physics, especially in fields like particle and quantum physics. When I read about Large Hadron Collider (a la "Angels and Demons") in the news, and things like quarks, antimatter, neutrinos and whatchamacallit - it feels so devoid of God. I believe that God created the earth and the universe and all, but physicists seem to think that it all started with the Big Bang - a cosmic, random production of mass and matter with protons, photons and whatever-tons colliding, decaying, E=mc^2 and blah blah blah.
Right, so what? How does that tell you the meaning of life? How does the knowledge of the origin of your existence and the fact that matter is not matter at all, give you a reason to live? If your life is based on theories of quarks arranging themselves to form each individual being with individual souls and that the universe and the amazing nature around us is nothing but coincidence - I do not know how you could find the meaning and the drive to live.

In conclusion, that is more or less why I resent the study of Physics. But anyhow, I have to sit for it in SPM, so I have to like it. This year, I have grown to dislike it less thanks to Mr. Nyoi's annyoing yet subtly imagination-stimulating and instigating ways as well as Mr. Tay's comical movements that have made Physics bearable for my existence in Form 5.

Meanwhile, I was thinking to myself a while ago, that soon SPM will be all over before I know it, and I will be regretting not living it the fullest. So, I want to enjoy this pressure [is it even possible?] and treasure my time with my classmates before SPM is over.

Thus, I bid my best wishes as well as my sad adieu for the time being.
*sigh*