Disappointment

Today has got to be one of the most disappointing days of my 17 years of life. (Possibly with the exception of the day SMK Batu Lintang Choir lost the state level choir competition in Bintulu last year, but this time, I am standing alone.) I lost my singles match against a guy from SMK Telok Panglima Garang (which is reputable for producing very strong tennis players). The score was 6-0. That's right, I got a nice, big, fat egg and I ain't proud of it.

If I were to say I did my very best but lost with honour, I would say it with all the cheer in the world, but no - I didn't do my best at all, which is why I am so bitterly disappointed with myself today, and will probably regret it for a long, long time. The guy from SMKTPG was actually quite good - better than the other players, in fact, which makes me rather unlucky that I had to face him in the first round, but I think I could have beaten him if I had been playing as well as I have done the past week or so during practice. However, today, I couldn't, and I think I know why.

For one thing, I was very nervous. This is actually the first time I'm playing in an actual sports event. The past week or so was the first time I had even played a match of tennis at all! So it's no surprise that I would be jittery and nervous about playing.

Secondly, I wasn't ready for the match. I hadn't warmed up before starting the match. My opponent wanted to start the match after we traded about 3 or 4 strokes, so I, the ever-obliging boy, started the match without warming up. My body and arms were still cold; I had no energy to strike the ball. This was sort of my fault as I didn't practice on the wall, but there were too many people there...

The sun could have been a factor, too. This may or may not be a mere excuse for my unexcusable failure, but I had to wait from about 8am to almost 3pm for my match to start (alost 7 hours of waiting!) so by the time I started, the beautiful sunlight and heat had drained all energy from me. Probably.

A slight boost to my morale would have been my mother coming to watch me play. However I was distracted when she spoke to the teacher-in-charge of whom many people dislike for undisclosed reasons. I was very tense and I didn't really have the mood to play after that.

All this could just be excuses, for I don't think I can justify my severe loss. I definitely didn't try hard enough - not at all! I just gave up mentally when the score was 2-0!! I stopped trying, I just played simply to quickly finish the match and go home with my tail between my legs, because I did not believe that I could make a comeback. I probably couldn't have done so, given the state of my physical and mental readiness, but I could have at least tried to fight back!!

Nevertheless, I hope to do much better tomorrow for doubles. I do not want to disappoint my partner, Ong Lik Pin, so I will try my very best to try my very best, if you get what I mean. Whatever the outcome, I know my worth and identity is in Christ Jesus and not in the success of this world. Nothing and no-one can take that away from me!!