Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Emo disease

I am feeling soooo moody.
I think they call it "emo-ness" or something like that. So, I redefine my current feeling as "emo"... I think it's the rain. Or I'm being infected by the emo germs that are being spread by this guy:

The Emo Moleman

and his companion

Even Elmo from Sesame Street is being EEEEMOOOOOOOO...

Tickle Me Emo - not for suicidal people

It's raining, raining, raining, raining, raining all the time!! While the rain is very cooling and perfect for a lazy, sleepy couch potato like me, it keeps raining at 5 o'clock, which is the time for my tennis game!!! So I haven't been able to go play tennis for a few weeks liao, all thanks to the EMO clouds that keep CRYING and RAINING tears of heaven.... *sob* It better not rain on the 15th of December, which is the last full day of our camp... but even if rain also caaaaaannn...
[The LORD will turn the rain of your country into dust and powder; it will come down from the skies until you are destroyed. Deut 28:24]

What exactly is "emo"? I hear it everyday, thanks to the certain guy mentioned above, but what exactly does it mean? I did a quick search on Wikipedia...
and it says emo is a music style. No related.
Anyway, the term "mood" is described as "a relatively lasting emo or affective state."
So emo means... moody? If that's so, I'm definitely emo.

(from Wikipedia)"...Moods differ from emotions in that they are less specific, often less intense, less likely to be triggered by a particular stimulus or event, however longer lasting. Moods generally have either a positive or negative valence. In other words, people often speak of being in a good or bad mood. Unlike acute, emotional feelings like fear and surprise, moods generally last for hours or days. Mood also differs from temperament or personality traits which are even more general and long lasting. However, personality traits tend to predispose certain types of moods. Mood is an internal, subjective state, but it often can be inferred from posture and other observable behaviors..."

Moleman's emo-ness seem to be forever... hmmm... but unlike the Moleman [on the basis of inference - I don't want to assume (a.k.a make and ASS out of U and ME)] I have a REASON to feel moody/emo/gloomy, the gloomy weather as one factor, of course.

Joshua and Wye Yi

[photos grabbed from Friendster without permission... Xo]

These are two of my friends who will be leaving Kuching on Thursday, 6th December 07. I will miss them because they have been a great help to not just me but our church and youth. (incidentally they are both Wongs and are both flying off at about 2 o'clock in the afternoon)
Joshua has always encouraged and taught me stuff like how to coordinate practices, and other tricks of a musician's trade that other people would otherwise not bother to tell me. He's one heck of a patient dude I tell you!!
Wye Yi has always taught me tips and tricks on the piano, and being the main pianist of EBC, her leaving will ensure a busy and hectic schedule for me each week, more than its already-busyness with her... *sigh* Her leaving also ensures that I will be lonely all over again whenever I am forced to be with the older college/working young adults, because they will ALL speak Hokkien, which leaves Wye Yi and I blur all the time... but I'm learning!! from Moleman and Auntie EmBaCY, haha!

Coincidentally my sister Hosanna is coming back the following day!! One of the few reasons to be happy... I missed her!! So lonely at home you know??!!!


Meanwhile, I'm starting to miss my school friends. While I'm loving the holidays and wish it would never end, I actually look forward to the steep climb next year because it means I get to be with all my close friends in class, 5 days a week...
Now, I do have friends in youth and all that, but they're all either younger or older than me, like Moleman, General Jelly, Cicakman and the Mejins. The ones my age are girls, except the Jasons...

Do you understand my predicament? But strangely enough, in my youth, there are more youths my age than any other age groups, followed by the little kids two years younger... oh well


What are insecurities?
Feelings of insecurity are feelings of deep uncertainty, usually caused by lack of trust and confidence. The opposite of insecurity is, of course, confidence.
How to tell if someone is insecure?

They are passive, defensive

have a tendency to withdraw, are super-sensitiv, thirsty for attention

suffer from low-esteem and rejection, and are manipulative

Are you insecure? I didn't think I was until...
I think it was last week that I called Jason T to ask him if he was coming for music practice. Then he said he and Wilson were at Unc Merv's house having dinner, so both of them cannot go for practice.
Not only was it a blow that they couldn't go for practice, but also that they were having dinner at Unc Merv's house and I wasn't - why?
So even as I led the practice, all kinds of thoughts were going through my mind, like why I wasn't invited to the dinner, did they forget me, I'm not important enough... All kinds of depressing thoughts. I was starting to feel rather unappreciated, until I called uncle about something and found out that he had called me several times but couldn't get through. I checked my phone, and displayed on the screen, bright and clear, were many missed calls from uncle!!

From this small incident, I saw that I was kind of insecure, being upset just because I seemingly was left out of something. A lesson learnt - to have your phone by your side 24/7!!!
Insecure people find their worth in successes and not in who they are. I realized that all too often I do things to please other people, being unsure of my position with other people and in my youth group. And so, I always expect people to notice what I do, and when they don't I get upset and discouraged. This should not be the case, no?

Well anyway so sorry to have taken your time to hear me bitch and vacuum all the cheer and joy of holidays...

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Nehemiah 8:10


Jaysmeen said...

Eh? I think the few points (and even the definition!) on insecurities do seem very VERY familiar! In fact, they're wayyy too familiar! Haha...like I last saw them in Feb 2005! Anyway, we're all insecure to a certain degree; recognize it and deal with it immediately.

Letitia said...

i'm feelin emo too.. haha

Samuel K Lis said...

hahaha jaysmeen, i extracted them fom your article thing. was that by rodney h or was it from you? if from you i give credit lorr...

Samuel K Lis said...

leti - isn't everyone? XO

Jaysmeen said...

Hahahahah no larr, i don't need the credit, just a bit surprised that someone actually took notice of my writings (yes I wrote it and Ps Rodney edited my english, or rather restructure it two years ago). Hmmm, did I ever send that to you? Or you took it from the articles blog (if you even know that it exists.


p/s: If my memory didn't fail me, I did pass you the article long time ago, and guaranteed you that everyone has insecurities whether you admit it or not. That's why I call it a 'silent killer'

Samuel K Lis said...

umm ya u sent it to me, but it wasn't until a few weeks ago i decided to give them a thorough read...